I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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