I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
