I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
