I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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