had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
