are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So many bounce houses so little time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
