Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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