wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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