Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
