i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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