A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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