whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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