6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
