I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize