I will die if light touches me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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