This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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