So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
