the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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