He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
