Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
