i barfeds in our rink
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
