I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
