We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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