you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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