so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize