I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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