Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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