i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
