if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
