stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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