how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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