as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
