Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
