Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
