O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
