I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
