The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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