oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
