I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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