Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
