I met the friendliest cop last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
