I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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