if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
