the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
