you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
