Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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