When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
