Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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