I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
