her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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