there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
