You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need a beard to bite.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize