Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize