So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize