i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
