Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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