By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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