Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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