i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
