a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
