I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
