I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
