True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
