It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
