SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
