so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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