I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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