What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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