In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
