worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
