I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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