Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
