The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
